Seeing as it’s Halloween, I’m hardly in the right mindset to crank out a poignant, philosophical blog post. Like the typical trick-or-treating fare, this entry to the blog can be considered candy — (hopefully) enjoyable, and providing little of real worth.
Without further ado, my best joke:
Three guys are walking through the woods when they spy a lamp lying at the foot of tree. Intrigued, they walk over and, half-joking, decide to give it a rub like in Aladdin. To their surprise, a genie immediately shoots out of the lamp’s spout and sinks into a deep bow.
“Three wishes each, I can grant you, my saviors. Three wishes for your kindly actions,” the genie booms.
The first guy, never one to pass up an opportunity, steps up and blurts, “I want a million dollars!” The genie snaps his fingers. The first guy pulls out his phone to check his bank balance and watches as the total goes from $13,057 to $1,013,057.
The second guy thinks for a minute before stepping forward. “I wish to be the richest man in the world.” Again, the genie snaps his fingers and produces a copy of Forbes magazine. The second guy is listed at the top of the wealthiest people in the world, above even Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos.
The third guy ponders what he’s seen and then clears his throat. “I wish for my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life,” he says clearly. The genie hesitates for a moment, but snaps his fingers and the guy’s arm starts to windmill.
The first guy says, “For my second wish, I wish to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.” Snap. A stunning redhead appears at the genie’s side and immediately runs over to the first guy and puts her arm around his waist.
With a sly smile, the second guys says, “I wish I could get with any woman in the world.” The genie snaps his fingers and the first guy’s new wife starts making eyes at the second guy.
The third guy screws his brow up, thinking really hard before saying, “I wish that my right arm would rotate counter-clockwise for the rest of my life.” The genie just kind of looks at him, but eventually snaps his fingers and, sure enough, the third guy’s arms are now spinning in huge, opposing circles.
“These are your final wishes,” rumbles the genie. “Think carefully as to how you wish to use them.”
“I want to feel as good as I did when I was 22,” says the first guy. With a snap, his hairline thickens, his waistline slims down and his arthritic hip feels good-as-new.
Always one to one-up, the second guy says, “I wish to never age another day.” The genie snaps and, though his appearance doesn’t immediately change, the second guy is now immortal, impervious to the aging effects of time.
Both the first and second guys look to the third, curious as to what he’s been planning. Slowly, confidently, the third guys says to the genie, “I want my head to nod up and down for the rest of my life.” With a snap, the man’s head begins bobbing back and forth violently and the genie disappears in a puff of smoke.
The three guys go their separate ways, each with their respective spoils, before they meet up in a bar a few years down the road. They catch up briefly, before the conversation turns to the genie’s wishes.
“Well, I invested my million dollars,” says the first guy. “My kids will never have to work, I feel 20 years younger than I really am, and my wife an incredible lover.” He smiles at the beautiful redhead still by his side.
With a smirk, the second guy, impeccably dressed, says, “With my money, I purchased multiple Fortune 500 companies. My children’s children’s children will never work and we’ll be pseudo-royalty for the rest of our lives. I haven’t aged a day since we found the lamp and yeah — your wife is a pretty incredible lover.” He shoots a wink at the first guy.
The first and second guy turn to the third guy who has remained quiet until now.
“Guys,” he says, head nodding wildly, arms flailing in wide circles, “I think I messed up.”